Mind Central Blog
Follow Us On TwitterMultiple sclerosis (MS) – Jo
I am 42 years old and was diagnosed with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis in October 2006 after waiting for two years for a diagnosis.
It appeared that I may have had symptoms since 1990 of various things which had gone undetected, but basically since October 2004 my body tripped into a progressively worsening scenario and my health disappeared before my eyes.
In August 2004 I was on a walking holiday as I love walking and easily walked 10 miles every day. By Christmas that year I could no longer walk a mile without tripping over, stumbling over everything in sight, my feet slapping the road at odd timings.
My personal view of why my body developed this illness is that for 30-odd years of my life I have lived in the mode of victim. By this I mean that my perception of life and my life in particular was that I had no control over things -they just happened "to" me, and "bad" things kept on happening to me.
I was constantly in the frame of mind that questioned, "Why me?" - "Am I a bad person?" - "Am I not worthy?" The conversation in my head was continually playing out my story and the ‘poor me’ scenario began to eat me up inside. I was always comparing my life to other people’s and the emotions that ran unchecked in my mind were anger, rage and fear. Because of this I felt as though I was on the outside looking in on things, and with everything I did I didn't really "feel" that I was there.
I had numbed myself to feeling anything and this had manifested as a physical symptom in my body. I had toughened myself emotionally and this also had come out in my body as the stiffness that was creeping into my muscles. Everybody has a life story, filled with events and also emotions that are attached to those events. Some people’s life stories are more dramatic than others but also some people make dramas out of nothing and others suffer huge trauma and shrug it off - it is all a matter of perception. I must admit that I always knew deep down that the MS was linked to the way that I had dealt with - or not dealt with - issues in my life. I felt that it was too much of a coincidence that I should become ill when in reality there was no other reason why I should. I therefore knew inside myself that I could recover from it if I could find the key to letting go of all this stuff for good and finding my true spirit again.
My journey led me to Hratch Ogali and the Mind Clinic in London. As I read about this man in a book about spinal cord injury that someone had lent to me, I instantly knew that this is where I needed to go. Incidentally, the person who lent me the book was a complete stranger and just happened to pop into my life at the right time to give me the book, which just goes to show that it is all happening perfectly, just as it is meant to. My first visit to the Mind Clinic was June 16th 2008. I was fairly wobbly on crutches and I believed that my right foot would not move an inch. Hratch very quickly proved this wrong as he got me to focus on my mind and clear away other thoughts, and concentrate on my foot moving. It moved and I came out of the clinic without the crutches - I have never used them since.
I attended the clinic on a fortnightly basis and whilst at home practised the techniques. It is a commitment. You have to get to a point in your life where you say, "This is it, time for me to get with the programme! Get serious and get committed, put yourself first, put everything else in your life into perspective and make your health your number one priority." When you have to, it's amazing how all those other seemingly important things you had to do really shrink into insignificance when you focus on yourself and healing. Life does manage to carry on without you for a while. It's better to focus now and still be here in ten years’ time than to kid yourself you have other important "stuff" to do and then find yourself deteriorating. In the grand scheme of things what can be more important then "you"? You have a lot to offer, even if you "think" you don't. Again, that's just your negative perception.
Hratch Ogali and The Mind Clinic has changed my life for ever. Through applying his techniques I have found my spirit and I feel free. I am now living my life and just letting it take me wherever it is going to go. I am now "feeling" things and joy, love and happiness are filling my days. I am at peace with my situation, whatever it is. My spiritual side has grown and my physical body has almost returned to normal. I am off all medications, I no longer suffer spasms, I sleep well, I have loads of energy and at times I am bursting with enthusiasm. Obviously, I cannot be like this all the time but I am learning that this, too, is part of the process - the ups and downs of life.
I watched an advert on the telly the other night for a charity where the child was looking after their mother who had MS and the child was saying that they helped their mum to the toilet and helped to dress her, etc. I suddenly realised that this no longer applied to me - it had done in the past but now I was a different person, all in six short months. I cannot begin to tell you how different I feel inside, and I am convinced that my physical body is healing. It will take some time as it took a long time getting this way but I am 95% back to being totally healthy: healthy in mind, spirit and body.
